Tuesday, 3 August 2010


Today I met a friend of a very good friend for the first time.
She is over from Berlin and, as I speak German and love my friend so dearly, Frank and I popped over to say Guten Abend just after dinner this evening.
I left feeling uneasy and misjudged. And yet everyone was lovely to me.
I feel this a lot when for the first time I have to explain that Frank is diabetic. Lovely, educated and kind people look at him with concern.

It goes like this:

They ask me if it can be managed with just dietary changes.
They ask if I have to do any injecting.
Oh, yes.
They ask if he will grow out of it.
They tell me they have heard the condition is growing quickly and that some children of 12 or 14 are getting it because they are obese and eat junk food.
I say that's probably Type 2.
They look at me. They look me up and down.
I am suddenly aware of every morsel that is going into my mouth.
I am not a skinny person.

I feel so judged.
Part of me in these moments feels the weight of the world judging me for my chronically ill child and my Mama belly.
I can feel my spirit shrinking and I want to slink away.
I know I will rally later but for now I am rather beaten.
And I judge myself too, even though I know I did nothing to bring this on or deserve it.
Talking to someone recently we came up with the idea of imagining a bubble around yourself that is permeable but serves as protection from unwanted comments and emotions and judgements.
But it would need to be almost bullet-proof because when your child has diabetes, this stuff cuts so very deep.

I shall have a good cry tonight and then Frank and I are spending the day quietly at home together tomorrow.

That will restore my balance.

Being with my two boys will restore me.

Knowing others "out there" hear me, really hear me, will restore me too.
Thank you for reading.


  1. I hear you and I understand. There are so many of us out here who 'get it' - you are not alone and here, you are not judged. Hope you got some good 'restoration' time in.

  2. Don't cry, just resolve to keep educating, like you did today. You never know "who" will "get it."
    Have a wonderful day with Frank tomorrow!
    Oh - and LOVED the butterfly crowns. How nifty!

  3. I'm so sorry you are feeling down right now. I had a conversation with someone today about diabetes and felt like I was on the offensive...informing them that it is autoimmune and not related at all to diet before they could even wonder.

    I hope you do feel so much better tomorrow and that you have a lovely day. We all love you and don't judge you! =)

  4. (((Hugs))) dear friend. My husband and I used to own a bakery...and I felt judged just the same way. You taught her best you could. Hold your head high my dear. You are wonderful and amazing and you should never let anyone make you feel any different!

  5. Oh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. As if you didn't have enough...

  6. I knew from your subject what your post would entail. I understand the feeling of being defeated yet knowing you will rally later (and perhaps be a little stronger). I hope you and Frank have a wonderful day together! -Linda

  7. I am a little late chiming in here but I send you some extra big pacific northwest old growth forest hugs. Having a CWD absolutely makes ones skin just a bit thicker. You will feel like an extra fierce, extra protective mama bear. It takes a lot of educating sometimes. A. LOT. And at times, other people who don't get it can really get under your skin and deflate your bubble a bit. Just remember those of us here who do get it and will be happy to patch up that bubble at any time. Frank is lucky to have to you as his mama and his pancreas. Don't ever forget what a wonderful, smart, lovely woman you are and that you have friends from all corners of the world routing for you!!

  8. Mark Twain had a theory for this... When angry count four; when very angry, swear. Sounds like you got through this with shinning colors. All the best on your upcoming big trip.