Oh, what can I possibly say to explain how I am feeling?
We have pump training next Tuesday and the following Wednesday at Addenbrooke's in Cambridge.
We want this.
Frank wants this.
BUT I am aware that I am feeling so scared and jittery and freaked out about taking on this NEW THING.
I've become so relaxed about injections and thought I'd be feeling great about the pump but, when it comes to it, diabetes just sucks, doesn't it?
Even when you have to do new stuff it's scary rather than exciting.
It's never like "Oooh, a new flavour of cheesecake, that'll be good".
It's "Oooh, shit, I might get this wrong and he'll bleed or be rushed to hospital or collapse or have ragingly high blood sugar for a while or ... or ... or ...".
I know this will be great for our ability to maintain Frank's health but I am scared.
Plain and simple.
Diabetes has so leeched my confidence and sapped my intelligence that I fear taking this on in case I am not up to the job.
I know Andrew feels the same.
I will be back next week with an update.
I believe we have a week of using the pump with a saline solution to get used to it before we are allowed to do the real thing.
So many of you have been here before and I had contemplated not posting about my wussy feelings but I do want to be honest.
Happy Weekend to you all and off we go ... to infinity and beyond ....
Wish us luck.