Saturday, 5 February 2011

And beyond ...

Oh, what can I possibly say to explain how I am feeling?
We have pump training next Tuesday and the following Wednesday at Addenbrooke's in Cambridge.
We want this.
Frank wants this.
BUT I am aware that I am feeling so scared and jittery and freaked out about taking on this NEW THING.
I've become so relaxed about injections and thought I'd be feeling great about the pump but, when it comes to it, diabetes just sucks, doesn't it?
Even when you have to do new stuff it's scary rather than exciting.
It's never like "Oooh, a new flavour of cheesecake, that'll be good".
It's "Oooh, shit, I might get this wrong and he'll bleed or be rushed to hospital or collapse or have ragingly high blood sugar for a while or ... or ... or ...".
Diabetes sucks.
I know this will be great for our ability to maintain Frank's health but I am scared.
Plain and simple.
Diabetes has so leeched my confidence and sapped my intelligence that I fear taking this on in case I am not up to the job.
I know Andrew feels the same.
I will be back next week with an update.
I believe we have a week of using the pump with a saline solution to get used to it before we are allowed to do the real thing.

So many of you have been here before and I had contemplated not posting about my wussy feelings but I do want to be honest.

Happy Weekend to you all and off we go ... to infinity and beyond ....

Wish us luck.


  1. I started pumping just over a year ago.
    I was petrified. Always made sure I had brushed my teeth before doing a new inset so if we had to call 911 then at least I wouldn't have stinky breath.
    I've never heard of anyone having to do that but I was sure I'd be the first.
    Take your time. It's going to be okay.

  2. Oh Jules, it's so good to be honest and we have ALL been there with you on our own journeys. There is not one of us in the beloved DOC, whether we have been pumping 6 months or 6 years, who wasn't scared shitless about starting it all. And if they tell you different, well they are a lyin'.

    I have faith that you will do great with this and learn all you can about it. I have faith that all will be well with it. As you take those first steps into pumping, remember the legions of mothers and fathers who have done it before you, who have your back and think that you can do this. Remember all of us as you go into your pump training and say 'If they can do it, so can I' - and so you will.

    I wish you luck and faith my dear. That's all you need :0)

  3. Good luck. It will be great. It's totally understandable to be a little apprehensive. We're all here for you!

  4. I'm glad you're honest! It's totally understandable! I was so excited about it... And then I got scared right before we started. We did not do a saline trial first... But the first time I fed my child and did NOT give her a shot.... Priceless! Good luck!

  5. I can understand your fear, dear friend. I haven't put either of my girls on a pump...yet, but I can imagine the fear and anxiety that will no doubt haunt me in the days and weeks before the first day of pumping.

    I hear so many amazing and positive things about switching from MDI's to the pump, I'm very excited for you all and I can't wait to hear all about it next week!

    I wish you and Frank all the best, may this new journey bring you many blessings!

  6. I was TERRIFIED the day we went in for our pump trial. I don't know if it is possible for anyone to feel any more wuss-y than I did. I had cotton mouth and an upset stomach!! But it was all ok. You are all going to kick butt! It is perfectly normal to feel scared/worried. I think we have all been there. Good luck this week friend and give Frank a big Pacific Northwest high five from me and Addison..TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!

  7. You have every right to be scared but I know you and Andrew can do this. We are all rooting for you! Big cyber hugs!

  8. Oh come on Jules, you know you are a "Bad Ass" and you are gonna show that pump who's boss! LOL and totally j/k.

    I remember freaking a bit too...over 4 years ago when Joe started pumping. It is scary, as there is a learning curve. It may take a while to get your settings situated...nothing beats that not having to inject for everything. You can just dial in the carbs, the BG and presto! The insulin dose is there for the administering.

    Please let us know how you are in a week. And, if you need anything at all please feel free to email me. (((HUGS)))

  9. Jules, I AM wishing you all good luck! With all of my fingers and toes crossed ;). Since we have yet to partake on the pumping journey, I sit here in teh margins reading and gleaming all the hope and education I can before we jump feet first.

    Know from all these wonderful Dpeeps you are not alone in your fear and that so many have been there and done that and, like Reyna, slammed it!

    Thinking and praying for you . . . . Amy

  10. wussy? really. I doubt that. We're thinking of you and the little guy. Good luck!