Dorset Tales :: Cerne Abbas

In early March the English countryside and weather can be kind of bleak.  

Spring might be peeking out here and there with a few snowdrops and crocuses and possibly a primrose or two, but often it's grey, bitterly cold and we frequently get flurries of snow right into April.

However, I rather like bleak.  

I blame it on reading too many Bronte sisters and Thomas Hardy novels as an impressionable teenager and not enough Jane Austen!

So, booking Bramble Cottage in Cerne Abbas for the third time felt great.  We love the cottage.  It is cosy, the heating is inclusive of the rental price and the kitchen is well-equipped and big enough for my sister and her family to join us for big family lunches.

However, booking it for the week of my birthday felt a little foolhardy!  It's always cold on my birthday. 

But, we stiff upped lipped Brits laugh in the face of a little freezing weather and have learnt to wear layers and carry everything imaginable in  case of all kinds of weather.  

Four seasons in one day, indeed!

********************************

As it turned out we did get all four seasons, but over a week rather than every day.

Cerne Abbas is a truly pretty little place, famous for the chalk figure of a giant on the hill just behind the village.  He is a shocking sight at times and can make many a man feel inadequate, especially on a cold day ... ahem.  If you do click on the link then please do scroll down a bit to see the fantastic folly of a Homer Simpson chalk figure on the hill next to the Cerne Abbas Giant. I loved this!  Talk about green advertising (it was done to promote the Simpsons movie a few years back) and it really suits Homer so well being carved onto a hillside.  He is gone now as the grass grew over him.

The village has three pubs and a tea room.

There is a fantastically well-stocked little shop selling fresh bread, baked goods, dairy, postcards, newspapers (even a Die Welt for passing Germans!) wine, chocolates and flowers.  It's open every day until 6pm.  For a countryside based holiday that makes a huge difference to me as it means I can get the daily shopping there and do not have to go to any supermarkets for a whole week.

I don't even need to go to a town.

I can truly be away from urban living.

Our friends Steve and Beanie joined us for four days of this trip and it really was so good to have them in the cottage with us.

Frank rather loves them (they are indeed almost unnaturally lovable!) and they didn't know Dorset well.

We may well rope them in on future trips as they were such good and easy company.

Steve and Beanie, you have been warned ...

fork in the path at Cerne Abbey

a pretty corner of Cerne Abbas

was there ever such a beautiful-looking pub?!

another lovely inn

mothers' day posy

on a mama/son walk

my birthday ring

steve and beanie amuse the children

my birthday pancake stack cake, courtesy of my sister heather

And my birthday was celebrated in the cottage. 

Due to flurries of snow outside I did not feel like to beach day I had hoped for and instead we lit the log fire and made lunch with leftovers and Heather made me a stack of pancakes for my birthday cake.

Her two daughters, Matilda and Nancy, get on really well with Frank and so there was much fun had and much food eaten.

Turning 46 that week turned out to be just the right age and the right place to be.

Dorset Tales :: Stonehenge

En route to Dorset we passed, and stopped off for lunch and a run aorund at, the awesome Stonehenge, just by the side of the A303.

It is around three and a half hours from home and we were more than ready for a break by then, even though we had already stopped off for coffee an hour or so beforehand.

 

From the road it looks tiny, really.

And yet, from up close it is stunning.  

Considering that many of the stones that were originally there are no longer in place, it's amazing to be able to get so close to this beautiful monument.

And look at how close it is to the road!  

See that lorry there?  

It feels wrong but that's where it all is.  Right by the road.

It's a small island this island of mine!

And I leave you this time with a promise to post more photos from the trip and a little film I took of Frank enjoying the best bit of Stonehenge!  Forget the ancient monument and what it mght all mean and "Look at that puddle!  Oooh, it's good I have my wellies on!".

We are all in the gutter (but some of us are looking at the stars)

It's been dawning on me rather slowly that I may well be more than a little exhausted.  

Our nights have improved over the past week but my rhythms are still out of whack and three months of blood glucose testing around two or three times between midnight and seven in the morning has really, and please excuse the crassness of this, kicked the crap out of me.

It's the other D-word: depression.

It's not major, but I feel it. 

 I am walking through treacle.  

Everything is an effort and yesterday evening after one hell of a long homeschooling day in which Frank was full-on needing my time and energy from half six until bedtime and couldn't seem to settle to doing anything independently, I took to the sofa, lay under a quilt and cried.  

Andrew made dinner.  

Frank looked startled and bustled off to make me a heart-shaped card.  

And I cried. And cried. And cried.

And then I got up and had my cheese on toast with salad and chatted a bit to my boys.  

Andrew went out to his poetry group and, once Frank was asleep, I watched a documentary (Forks over Knives, in case anyone was wondering). 

I needed that release.

Living with a chronic condition is deeply unforgiving.

It is extreme.

An extreme way of living.

And, boy, does it take its toll.

~ time at Musa, alone, a few weeks back, with tea and an inspiring book ~

I hadn't intended to post about this as I try hard to be upbeat. 

But it cannot be denied that I am 45 years old and cream crackered!*

My energy levels are really low at the moment and yet as a D-parent I am running a marathon.

Jinkies.

So, this is how I intend to move forwards.

I will not be visiting my doctor as I am not in need of medicine.

I choose, instead to look to the light and to a sense of personal possibility.

I choose to look up at the stars, from my personal gutter!

I will be making some changes in my lifestyle and might even post about them here, although I feel terribly shy about it at the moment.

Some of the ideas in my head at present involve

• major dietary overhaul with a view to eating a mostly plant-based diet and cutting out the processed foods and caffeine.
• researching sleep, blessed sleep, and how I can get me more of that magical stuff (I'm thinking naps in the daytime whilst Andrew has Frank)
• fresh air and movement (not always easy in damp, chilly northern Europe but not impossible either and I can swim at the local pool)
• less screen time in order to fit other things in (and perhaps a new computer as mine takes an age to do anything!  I can hang the washing out whilst it gets ready for me to send an e.mail!!)
• writing down my goals and values, a kind of personal manifesto if you will, as I am so fuzzy of head that I barely know the day of the week at the moment
• more creative space for myself 
• getting back into reading novels (and this one first)

We go away tomorrow morning to Dorset, Thomas Hardy country, to visit my sister and her lovely family on their dairy farm.

We have rented a cottage in the stunning village of Cerne Abbas.  

Cerne Abbas is well known for this chalk figure carved in the hillside!

(Brace yourselves, anyone clicking on that particular link! )

A cottage we have rented twice before and love.

I am sooooo looking forward to a change of air and to a little time to reflect on my personal manifesto for this spring and summer.

I will be back with the muffinmoon manifesto soon.  

It feels weird to out this all in such a public space but I want to be accountable, even just to myself, but this is as good a place as any to get it all down on virtual paper.

Thus, stay tuned for more and also for pictures of my gorgeous nieces Matilda and Nancy with their cousin Frank!

 Here's a taster form Kersey in Suffolk this Christmas.

~ Matilda & Frank ~

~ Nancy ~

Much love.

xxxx

*cream crackered is Cockney Rhyming slang for knackered, ie. very tired

Choosing Love

Well, hello there!  

This post has been a long time coming and for that I apologise.  

It's a long one too, so you might want to grab a cup of tea!

My blogging mojo upped and left me way back in the autumn and is slowly returning as the winter turns to spring.

Once out of the routine of blogging it can be hard to get back into the right frame of  mind again.  And I have struggled to put my feelings into words.  Struggled to be authentic, because that's what I aim for and I never wish to write from a place that isn't authentic.

********************

So, here, in the middle of February I welcome 2013 with my resolutions of Simplicity, Vitality and Community as my aims. 

My lovely husband and I spent New Year's Eve reflecting on the year gone by and on what we hoped for for the coming twelve months.

2012 was a difficult year for me when I look back at it.  

And when life is difficult for me, it is difficult for my little family.  

It's a simple equation.

I felt more tired.  More overwhelmed.  More in need of solitude.  Less engaged in my own life.

Reading this it looks like I was depressed.  But I don't think I was!

Just processing some things and moving from one phase of my life to another, maybe.

*********************

In the autumn we had a difficult time at our hospital appointment.  Frank's HbA1c was its highest ever and I had to look the kind doctor in the eye and admit that I had been running him a little high as I was so very fearful of him dying in the night.

I cried, in the doctor's room and in full view of Frank, and spelt words out so that he wouldn't hear me say words like "die".  

That dark ball of fear in my gut was exerting its hold over me and in that room I had to admit it and face it down.

Anyone with young children knows that sleep can be elusive.  

Have a child with Type 1 diabetes and sleep, good, solid, restful sleep, is like gold dust!!   

Andrew doesn't wake in the night much and so all the night testing is mine and all the fetching of water is mine too.  I do it gladly but it takes its toll on my 45 year old body!

I was trying to get more sleep but it's a false economy of the most awful sort to do what I was doing.  It wasn't terrible but I was failing Frank and needed that wake up call in the doctor's room to bring me back in some way.

I truth I still have that ball of fear but as we left that doctor's room that day I made a vow not to allow it to rule me.  

This takes effort every day on my part.  

Every single day and then every, single night.

Every single night that I medicate my child to the point of hoping to maintain his health and not go so far as to make his blood sugar go so low that he dies.

I factor in growth spurts, excitement, tiredness and evening snacks.

I factor in how exhausted I am and set the alarm accordingly. 

I hope and I trust the medicine and the pump.

And, truly, truly, I know that hope is the only way forwards.  

Other wise the dark ball of fear wins, and it wins every day.

So (I'm getting to the point in the title of this post, I promise!):

I CHOOSE LOVE!

I choose, every single day to look to the light and for myself and my husband and my beautiful, gorgeous boy, Frank, I choose love over fear.

*****************************************************************************
 My first act of choosing love was a little family adventure.  

We soooooo needed one!  

And so, on one of the snowiest days of the year so far, we headed off to London.  For three days.  

Staying in a hotel and everything!

And ,oh my, I fell in love with London all over again!

waiting for the train at Colchester North Station

chowing down at Wagamama's on the South Bank

Wagamama Man!

my love, up in the air on the London Eye

Frank enjoys the view of Westminster Bridge, The Houses of Parliament and Big Ben from the London Eye

I don't like heights!

the amazing roof of The British Museum

nothing Freudian about this dessert ... ahem

And so here I am in mid-February ready to begin blogging again.  

To choose the light and to share more of it here.  

I hope I have a few readers left and thank you for sticking with me.  

Much love.

xxxx

Road Trip sans child - Jinkies!

Yes, you read that right.  I am fresh back from a three day, two-night road trip with my friend Anne.

For anyone with a diabetic child you will known what a BIG DEAL this is!

For myself it is doubly tricky as my lovely man has not been confident enough for me to leave home overnight for some years.  And then I, as with many parents let alone D-parents, have all kinds of control issues.  

Does anyone else do it as well as I do?  Well, no not really.  But well enough is fine.

I did have a short trip a couple of years ago but honestly didn't relax into it in the way I did last week.  

I knew my boys would be fine.  

I knew Andrew would do his best and that if anything went wrong he would sort it out just fine.

And all was well.

 ~ the beautiful church in the centre of Lyndhurst in the New Forest ~

 ~ my tipple overlooking the lawn at our hotel ~

 ~ strolling out onto the New Forest heathlands ~ I'm the one in the hat! ~

 ~ Montacute House ~ anyone recall it from the Ang Lee version of Sense & Sensibility?  It is stunning ~

 ~ dinner at The River Cottage Canteen ~

 ~ my main course ~ fresh garden veggies and udon noodles ~ yum! ~

~ me with my trio of hummus starter ~ I am camera shy at present but know that you'll all be looking at the food anyway! ~

And boy did I miss these guys.  And they me.  

The break did me good but it is good to be home where my heart belongs.

*******************************

Tomorrow is August and I am embarking on my own 30-Day Vegan as a kind of retreat.  

I followed this last summer as a student of Heather and it was such a wonderful, fulfilling, supportive experience.

My intention from August is to have a health focus each month as a way of bringing my own health into a more mindful place.

I'll keep you posted.

Hello July

Well, I fell off the Marauders' Map there for a while, didn't I?

Clearly I needed some blogging-free time and I have made full use of it, I assure you.  

We are all well here in my little family and life continues apace. 

Much growing has been done by Frank, much crafting and reading of Harry Potter to Frank by myself and much retiring from his main job and poetry gigging by Mr Muffinmoon (aka Fred Slattern, Colchester's Slum Poet).

We have a ten day trip to Denmark under our belts and spent two days of those at Legoland, much to Frank's delight.

I seems, also, that blogger have been busy whilst I was otherwise engagaed and I am struggling to work out what's going on here today!

********************************************

I feel it will be impossible to fill all the gaps of what we have been doing in one blog post and so will concentrate on Denmark today.

We are a family with a camper van.  We have no other motor vehicle.  We walk and cycle or we drive our van around.  

Thus, for us, and considering I feel best when I am not in a tin can way up in the air and also when I can pack as much diabetes-related stuff as I wish, we tend to head for the Netherlands or Denmark or France or Germany or indeed stay home in the lovely UK for our trips.

This year, with a Lego fan in our midst who is turning six in a week's time (yikes!), we felt Denmark and Legoland over there was a good plan.

And, boy, was it fun, once we finally got there.   

And thereby hangs a tale:  waking up on the morning of our planned departure on the 5pm ferry I was getting Frank dressed and saw what looked like lots and lots of insect bites all over his back.  To the docs and the practice nurse confirmed chicken pox!!!   

This actually felt like a huge stroke of LUCK to me.  

Yes, really.

Imagine how it might be being already on the ferry or in Denmark and seeing all these spots break out.  The Danish are great at speaking English but I do not want to be fighting my D-Mama corner to doctors that might not understand me clearly.   We all know we are indeed the experts in our own child's care and that most doctors do not have the knowledge that we do.  

We are the specialists and travelling elsewhere can feel very much out of my confort zone should things go wrong.

Frank felt fine but we had no idea how many  more spots might break out and, more importantly, how having Type 1 diabetes might bring complicaitons for him.  So, we cancelled our place on the ferry, sat tight with the door closed and a skull & crossbones on it and waited it out.  

Frank continued fine.  

No more spots broke out and after a few days had passed we rescheduled and hit the ocean, heading north east to Esbjerg from Harwich.  

It is an 18 hour journey and so everyone has a cabin and we even enjoyed the fabulous buffet of smoked fish and fresh salads.  Yum. 

 And once there we camped for five nights, spent two nights in a pirate-themed room at Legoland, a night in a B&B and then came home much refreshed and, for me at least, needing a break from the strong coffee and smoked fish!

A few pictures for you all.  

A taste of Denmark.

 ~ Frank at the Ribe Viking Centre ~ I asked him to look like a "serious Viking" ~

 ~ smiley boys at Legoland ~

~ the best beach we found on the trip ~

~ the fantastic wooden castle and figures at the Ribe Viking Museum ~

~ and, finally, but best of all, the disabled toilets in the Hotel at Legoland ~ crocodiles in wheelchairs ~

Happy Sunday and happy July to you all.

Much love.

Mellow Sweetness

I have really been enjoying mellow days with my boys over the Christmas and New Year holidays.
Some days have been filled with such gentle sweetness that I have felt a surge of joy at my luck to have these two men in my life.
After our Solstice celebration it was heads down and into Christmas.
We went to a lovely party hosted by a friend on Christmas Eve and I was able to catch up with my friend Tanya and her hubby Rob. He was sporting the biggest smile ever having finally landed a job after eighteen very long and tricky months and many, many interviews. I just didn't want to talk to anyone else having seen them go through such a hard time and just loved feeling the energy pulsing out of them that evening. They are good people and like many in this economic climate have been through a lot.
***********************************************
Christmas Day saw us eating croissants as we opened our gifts and then heading off to celebrate Christmas with Sue (Andrew's ex-wife), Sarah and Tom (his children from this first marriage, they are 29 and 25 respectively).
Sue made a fantastic lunch of turkey, roast potatoes, sausages, veggies, bread sauce, cranberry sauce and gravy.
Frank was in his element!
At around 4pm we all tucked into the mince pies I made along with a cup of tea.

I used a pastry recipe from Sarah Raven's Complete Christmas book (which I love!! Highly recommended) and filled the pies with sugar free mincemeat made by my friend Fiona.
The little bird lids on the lids were a last minute decision as a full lid can be heavy and I love a bit of whimsy at any time.

Boxing Day saw us three in the woods getting some much needed fresh air and gathering some sticks for the fire.
And for New Year we drove down to Reading to stay with Severine and had such a lovely time, full of mellow sweetness again.
Severine knows us well and was happy to have a quiet, reflective evening with good food and some games and chat about our plans for the coming year.
We played a music quiz, drank champagne, ate smoked salmon and made a list of what we want to achieve in 2012.
Actually, Andrew let Sev and I drink the champagne as he toasted the new year with (hold onto your knickers) CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!

I have no idea what Sev actually thought but I could hazard a guess!

***********************************

And my plans for 2012?
They include posting here more often.
So on that note, I will be back soon with more on my plans for 2012.
Blessings to you all for a healthy, happy and joyful 2012 full of mellow sweetness.

The blanket I knitted to relieve D-stress!

May I introduce you to this lovely little number?
It is a small blanket, perfect for having over your knees on a cold winter's evening or at the open air theatre in summer.
Or even for carrying around with you, Linus style, when your D-kid is ill!
The pattern is Hap Blanket by Ysolde Teague and is my first real attempt at lace knitting - Ravelry notes here.
I knitted the whole blanket on our holiday in Holland (and even made a baby hat for Frieda too!) which gives you some indication of how relaxing a holiday it was and how much I needed to keep myself quietly occupied.
Basically the centre block is garter stitch and then you pick up around the edges and knit the lace.
This is my sister's Christmas present (along with a tea cosy, which I will show you once it's finished) and these colours are very much her thing. Heather doesn't read my blog so I think I am safe in showing it off here (if you are popping by Heather, um, Happy Christmas!).

***************************************************************

This knitting was just what I needed after the week before the holiday when Frank was ill.
I am aware that I am not writing about the D much at present.
Believe me it's always there and has been challenging recently.
I was completely wrung out before the trip to Holland as Frank had had a fever for three days and then diahorrea for four days and continued to be low on energy and not really eating when we packed the van and headed off to the ferry port.
I had been in two minds about whether to go or not but we had discussed it and felt that he was on the mend and they have hospitals and doctors and medicine in Holland after all!
So, we went and after a couple of days he perked up, started eating like mad and was fine.
Again, it comes back to the idea of getting out and just going for it and yet this is such uneven ground.
We were not taking a regular healthy child away, we were taking a child WITH DIABETES away and it was scary.
We are three years in to this bloody game (anniversary if diagnosis next Monday, in fact) and it does not get easier to make decisions like this one.
In all honesty though, I did make this decision knowing, absolutely knowing, that I would be able to make better calls regarding Frank's health than pretty much any other health professional and that I wasn't afraid to tell people what to do, should it come to it!
I am D-Mum, hear me roar!

Holland and a nod to Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee, Holland?
Let me count the ways:

I love that you gave Frank a really great hot chocolate experience after a long cycle one day.I love that you let Sarah and James rest and enjoy a mellow week with me and my boys.

I love that you have a mad, mad clock in the centre of Alkmaar that rings , elaborately, every quarter of an hour ( and was just across the square from our flat).
Some nights I found this so amusing, others really not so much!

I love your cycle paths that are bigger than Cornish roads and make cycling such an unadulterated pleasure.
I love your canals and the lovely homes right next to them.
Yes! Real people live in places like this.

I love the soft September sand in my toes and, indeed, everywhere after Frank decided we needed to "romp" on the beach and we both got covered in the stuff rolling around and wrestling for ages (whilst Andrew stood near by and pretended he didn't know the giggling maniacs on the sand in front of him!).

I love how happy you make my family with cycles to the beach through pretty villages and pine forests.

I love the flat you provided for us in Alkmaar, right on the canal and across the road from the cheese market and the beer museum; above a toy shop and next to a chip shop.
You were showing off in this instance, dear Holland.

I love that you gave us space to hang out, in harmony, all five of us.

I love, oh how I love, your bicycles.
So cool, so stylish and so practical.

And I love your cheese. Mature Gouda was the best. Gouda with cumin seeds was fab too. Goats' Gouda was , um, interesting.

This land is often unsung. Just not mentioned but I love its gentle way of life, its adherence to quality in life and not quantity.
The Netherlands are only a few hours from my home. Half an hour drive to the port, an overnight ferry and lo! The Promised Land.

I am already checking out return trips and ferry prices.
This was the best holiday we've had in ages (much better than that soggy week in Devon with all the dead crows and stuff).

And the cheese museum? Mmmmmmmmmmmmm ...