Somewhere between darkness and light.

A sleeping child.

Ah.

It is such a universal image of peace and the time for parents to relax.

Isn't it?

Now look at it from the point of view of the parent of a child with Type 1.

What's their breathing like? Shallow? Are they heading for a crash and coma?

Are they low? Too low?

Is the bed flooded and they are high? Too high?

Can I have a glass of wine or might I need to drive to the hospital later?

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I don't wish to be negative and maudlin but life will never be the same.

It goes on and it is good for absolutely the most part, but it cannot be compared to that of the family of a child without this condition.

Friends have been asking me this month whether I am avoiding them.

Not consciously, has been my reply.

We have had two hypos late at night this week and I am not resting easy.

I'm tired and emotional and close to tears.

And yet this week has held more moments of pure joy at the humour and fun oozing out of my son than of sadness.

We have a beautiful child that to all outsiders is developing just wonderfully.

He is funny and crazy and imaginative and lively and our best friend.

He wakes me in the morning wanting to be a digger and for me to be the crane.

He does fake falling over in full drama-queen-stylie.

It makes me roar with laughter.

This evening at dinner he couldn't sit still but instead rolled around the dining room floor play fighting with the two brooms we keep by the door.

I laughed so much I think some of my food came out of my nose!

The boy is barking mad, methinks.

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And yet, there is a precariousness to it all that I still can't get to grips with.

When you have a child you are much more aware of this and when your child has Type 1 diabetes that awareness is multiplied.

I would not wish this on anyone.

BUT life is good.

I am happy.

I am coping.

And coping well.

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The truth of it all lies somewhere in the middle of the sadness and the joy.

And surely this is true for all of us?

I ask any of my wonderful friends to bear this in mind when they wonder why I haven't called.

I am a pancreas and we don't rest.

Or indeed get to the phone often.

30 Days of Beauty : Seven

Beauty and Bliss today in a cup of coffee in town with my love and the new Debbie Bliss magazine.

I love the way the bubbles catch the light.

I am nearing the end of my second little new born hat for my friend Beth, due to have twin boys any day now.
The days are lengthening here and I am longing for some time in the garden with Frank and Andrew.
February is a deceptively long month here in Northern Europe, despite its apparent shortness!

Mersea Island

With a change of plan due to Sev feeling unwell we spent yesterday morning at home making a crown for Franks' Cabbage Patch doll, Chloe-Baby. Doesn't she look fine?

Then it was off to Mersea for fish and chips and my oh my they were goooooood!

Just look at the picture and weep!

It is such a lovely place.

One of the many beautiful but mostly unsung areas of the UK.

We enjoy such beautiful coastlines here in Essex and Mersea holds a very special place in my heart.

As do fish and chips... Ahem ...

30 Days of Beauty :: Six

After his short day at pre-school Frank and I spent some time painting with the little watercolour set we really like.

We made invitations for Severine to ask her if she would like to come with us to Harwich for fish and chips tomorrow.

I love his choice of colours, he is always very specific and yet also random!

It has been cold and wet today, unlike the balmy sun of yesterday, and we felt a trip to celebrate a good week was in order.


Frank painted the pictures that I drew for him and I took the opportunity to knit a bit more of the wrap I am working on for Sue.

Then it was supper and Frank's new Brio bell train (thank you, Aleksi!) took centre stage, closely followed by a dinosaur, as he ate his fish cakes and beans.

It made me smile when I looked at this photo as I hadn't noticed the diabetes bag and Glucogel in the background!

More pictures tomorrow, whatever the weather, of Historic Harwich and general East of England beauty...

30 Days of Beauty and a walk

Beautiful Colchester...

On Monday I was granted a day alone to go for a walk.

Budd took Frank to the zoo and Sev lent me her i-pod.

I'd been feeling a bit blah.

Just aware that the day in day out, hour in hour out and minute in minute out care of a diabetic child has really taken its toll.

I recently saw photos of myself when Frank was just six months old and I look like a different woman.

This year has aged me. Hugely.

How could it not?

So, the lovely people I am lucky enough to share my life with gave me this day.

A stolen day.

I left the house at around ten and was only out for three hours.

In that time I listened to wonderful music, walked in a steady rhythm and looked around me at the sharp blue sky.

I had a green tea in a cafe and read a lovely book about T1D for teenagers by Fibi Ward, herself a teenager, called "No Added Sugar".

I bought Friendship Day gifts and had a salad in another cafe on the way home.

I breathed in.

I breathed out.

I returned home ready to be strong again.

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My blog is where I focus on the positive. It would be wrong, however, not to be honest too and say that I still cry, am still horrified and still feel a surge of relief EVERY MORNING when Frank pads into out room.

HE'S ALIVE!!!

The he jumps on my head and says "Mummy, you be the digger and I'll be the dumper truck" before proceeding to move all my bedside books from the floor to the bed and back again.

Noisily.

I struggle to maintain my equilibrium and to join in when I am so tired, or more specifically before the tea has been supped.

However, I never lose that feeling of recognising who the teacher really is of the two of us when he comes in with his mussed up hair and beautiful morning face forcing me to face a new day with no cynicism but just joy in the moment.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

Our day began with small friendship gifts and a yummy breakfast.

Frank and I walked along the road to the park for a quick play on the swings and slide this morning before heading home to make dessert. Frank wanted to help me this time. Normally he likes to play on the kitchen floor with his cars and trucks as I cook. But today he did a fantastic job of making the yoghurt fruit sundaes. He had already helped me yesterday to make the chocolate shortbread biscuits that were going to accompany this.

He did a beautiful job of making the yoghurt and fruit desserts. He had already helped me yesterday to bake the chocolate shortbread biscuits that were to accompany this.

Mark and Lisa came along and we all tucked in to crudites and homemade hummous, white wine, coconut beer, Adnams beer, water (we are WILD!) followed by a roasted vegetable salad with feta and then Frank's dessert.

A relaxing afternoon in front of the fire followed, marred only by Frank having a hypo just before supper. As I write though, he is well and sleeping soundly after a mammoth evening of stories from Mummy's head involving magic puzzles of trains that come to life once the final piece is placed in them.

I hope you had a good Valentine's Day.

Plastic Creatures

Over the past week I have noticed that whatever I am doing, and wherever I am, I am never alone.

I came home from cycling into town to make a big salad for Severine and myself.
Andrew and Frank had gone to Harwich to romp on the beach and watch the big ships and cranes
I was merrily chopping veg when I realised I had a little helper in the shape of Bob the Builder's friend Lofty. I'm quite fond of Lofty as he lacks self-assurance and so I gave him a pat on the head and chatted to him about the salad.

He seemed pleased to have been noticed.

When you have small children there is no adult only space.

Most of Frank's toys are in baskets and on shelves but there are always a few strays that keep me company when I am doing something grown up.

This lovely little scorpion appeared to help me read my new bread book.

I have yet to work out whether Frank puts them all around the house to surprise me or they just wander off of their own accord when no one is looking and they just want to get in on the carbon-based action.

I have to admit, the little scorpion does look rather like he's about to read the book.

Perhaps he has the soul of a baker...