Friday, 29 October 2010

No sleep til ... well, just no sleep!

Another short trip to Henley-on-Thames with my boy. Just me, Frank and my friend, Anne.
After the shocking and so saddening news from last week I looked my fear in the eye and took Frank away for three nights in a B&B.
My reasoning being "Well, if it happens, it happens, I'll do my damnedest to prevent it, but will not give in and let it rule me".
Bravado before a fall?
Turns out the fear isn't so easy to dismiss.
No shit Sherlock!
Henley is lovely, Severine is there and Frank and I already know and love the B&B and the family that run it (they put Brio trains out for him!).
It all sounds so great, hey?
But ... oh, the lack of sleep.
Maybe I just wasn't ready after the DIB story.
These things can creep into one's brain and fester.
With sole responsibility for Frank and with nerves still jangling I just couldn't sleep.
I tested and listened to breathing and tested again, finally falling into the arms of sleep around 4am and waking at 6am to check again and then doze until Frank bounded out of bed.
I thought a lot of Jen and her post a while ago where she declared something along the lines of "Oh, what's the point of even trying to sleep anyway?".
I was channelling Jen!
Then on our last day Frank got ill with a fever and spent all afternoon in bed.
I felt so frozen and yet somehow managed to sort out numbers for the nearest A&E and the Children's Unit with Jane, the landlady of the B&B.
She was fab but I felt so exposed and so very, very (more than usually) vulnerable.
I called Mr Muffinmoon and could barely string a sentence together.
My voice was tiny.
My sense of humour AOL.
However, at 9pm he rallied and got up, wandered around a bit, chatted and had some yoghurt.
I took a few deep breaths and after another sleepless night took him home.
I sleep better with Mr M fighting the D-Beast with me.
I will take Frank away again.
This much I know.
The rest I shall make up as I go along.
Right now, I am off to bed.
To sleep, oh boy, to sleep.
( Frank today. Funny boy, full of life.)


  1. Rest well my dear. You deserve it. I am with you...we have "to live" and we have to show our kids "to live". The deaths to - date would be in vain if we do otherwise.

    Love to you, to Frank, and to Mr. Muffinmoon!

  2. I'm so sorry for the trip...I spent a couple of weeks in "paralyzing" fear and anxiety. I couldn't shake it...then the story of the DIB and I pretty much got overwhelmed and went into a shell. I am out now and feel pretty good, but I have to say I had to make some changes and decisions that hopefully will change things for the better. I hope you sleep well and ((hugs)) to you!

  3. Sleep sweet...and look at those EYES!!! What a cutie!

  4. Aw, man. Bummer. Next time will be better. For sure. Love that pic of him! :)